How can you tell if your relationship is “near to a cliff and is about to collapse?” I have prepared for you a list of indications by which you can determine what is occurring with your relationship. So, I divided the indications into 2 groups according to the intensity of their influence on the destruction of relationships. Group 1 – these are signs after which it will be easy to improve relationships. Group 2 – these are indications that deeper and more seriously affect the damage and restoration of relationships.
1 group of indications your relationship is altering you stopped sharing your feelings, what occurred throughout the day, your ideas communication is becoming more and more discontented the hubby began to talk little about his news and you can discover it out when he shares it with others usage kids in dispute and reveal dissatisfaction with your other half through them: “It is useless to ask papa for something, he is extremely busy”, and so on for a frank discussion, you need to tune in, prepare and seize the moment devalue each other, for instance: “you still don’t understand how,” or “enough to be creative,” and so on.
devalue each other’s plans for the future increasingly more you think that your partner is missing out on something in you and he might be looking for it on the side kisses, hugs and other affection became less there is a feeling that you are developing, and he stalls. You are different and you have various worth quarrels started to end not with reconciliation, but with anger.
2 group of indications that damage your relationship interaction just about daily life. Discussing dreams, goals, values disappeared I do not wish to go home more talk of divorce no desire to discuss, tell, alter or remedy something when there is no partner close by, you feel more satisfied collected complaints that appear impossible to forgive lately it has been constantly agonizing and uneasy in a relationship I no longer want to conserve the household, more ideas about living alone Group 1 informs us that it is time to alter something. You do not need to let things go by themselves. You can deal with this by yourself or with the assistance of a family psychologist.
group 2, in conjunction with the indications of group 1, tells us that the relationship is on the brink of collapse. It’s already tough to cope by yourself. You need to contact a trusted household counsellor.
Moral violence, or as it is more often called now, abuse, has become a common thing in relationships. The word “abuse” translates to “violence” and “abuse”.
This is most often due to the fact that your partner has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (ADD). This pathology occurs in many people: from 1 to 8% of the total population of the planet, according to various sources.
According to the international classification of diseases DSM-V, it can be defined by the general signs of personality disorder:
– grandiose conceit
– fantasies of unlimited power or ideal love
– belief in one’s own “exclusivity”
– the need for an exaggerated expression of delight towards oneself
– the illusion of one’s own special rights
– tendency to exploit people
– lack of empathy
– jealousy and arrogance towards people
Not all people with ADD are dangerous. But for those around him, the type called “THE FIRST NARCISSIST” is dangerous. This definition was given by the French doctor of psychiatry, specialist in victimology and criminology MF. Iriguayen, author of Moral Harassment.
A distinctive quality of perverse narcissists is the ability to turn any situation upside down, perverting its details and partner’s conclusions.
The word “perverse” – from lat. “Pervertere” – “to pervert, turn out.” It is they who choose moral violence as an instrument of interpersonal relations, and it is from them that it is not easy to leave without crippling the psyche.
An interesting fact is that he always chooses for the role of his “victims” smart, self-confident, successful, optimistic, full of vitality individuals. Quite often, relationships with perverse narcissists end for their partners with clinical depression or even suicide, even more often with psychological trauma, which then heals for years, if at all.
How do you know if your partner is a perverse narcissist?
You should be alerted by the following signs:
1. A person speaks negatively about past partners, verbatim blaming them for problems or a breakup
2. A person is not inclined to plead guilty and shifts responsibility to others
3. Having met this person, the partner began to sleep less, eat poorly, lost weight, began to feel dizzy in his presence, or faced other unpleasant changes in the field of well-being. It is generally accepted that psychosomatics begins early in the lovers and friends of perverse narcissists, and this happens even against the background of the apparent absence of problems
4. A person seeks to tie a partner to himself as early as possible, right up to marriage or moving
5. Perverted narcissists sometimes have “inhuman reactions ”, although in general such people closely monitor their behavior. Like patients with psychopathy, they do not experience emotions in the conventional sense of the word, but they imitate them perfectly.
How does ABEW work?
At first, the relationship with the perverse narcissist is like a honeymoon. He is attentive, charming, caring, romantic, gentle, etc. just a dream, not a partner.
The honeymoon runs flawlessly but ends quickly. Because the self-esteem of the perverse narcissist, figuratively speaking, is a bottomless hole into which all the delights of others and his own achievements are sucked in vain.
Due to a personality disorder in his soul, the narcissist feels insignificant, experiences desperate envy and anger. He is not able to empathize, and the illusion of his own greatness does not allow him to perceive other people as equals.
For a while, the narcissist manages to restrain negative feelings (purely for strategic reasons), but then his patience runs out. The so-called “ice shower” stage begins. In just one day, he turns into an unpredictable aggressive creature that attacks his partner with cruelty and in a few hours manages to turn his whole picture of the world upside down.
He begins to devalue, disrespect, and bully and from a beloved partner quickly turns into an unscrupulous “strangler” and an energetic “vampire”.
Further in the relationship, he becomes even worse and his goal is to destroy the self-esteem of the partner, humiliate him and thus assert himself.
This is why such people tend to keep their partners close, reviving the “honeymoon” if necessary, and then again taking on their main aggressive form.
This is just a small part that I wrote about what the perverse narcissist does.
How to deal with a perverse narcissist?
The only way to escape moral abuse from the perverse narcissist is to stop communicating with him.
You need to understand that these are people with mental pathology, and it is impossible to reeducate, change, heal, remake or save them. His problem can be partially solved only by a psychotherapist or psychiatrist who is able, among other things, to prescribe the necessary medications.